LOOK, YOU FUCKERS

I doubt anyone is still reading this (I'm not writing it, after all), but just in case:

GRAHAM LINEHAN'S ELJAY IS HERE, IT'S RIGHT HERE, HE HAS AN ELJAY AND IT'S HERE

I once was lost but now am found.

Also, how fucking awesome is 'Grinderman'?

I only seem to post here when I'm drunk and/or sleep deprived these days. Not that that narrows it down much, but...

Anyway, yeah, I'm alive and everything. No MD as yet, though.

Fucking screw it

I'm becoming a fucking doctor or something. Yes. Tropical Medicine. That's what I'll do. I'll go and be Medicinal in the Tropics. Oh God.

Scorsese, his new fillum, it's quite good. Apparently the Irish are the only race impervious to psychoanalysis. I mean, that's what Freud said, but he also talked a lot of bullshit about his mother wanting a penis that wasn't a cigar, so screw that little Austrian pissant. Of course, I'm only slightly Irish, so maybe that means I make a breakthrough but I'm too drunk to remember what it was. The Last King of Scotland is quite good as well, although I'm not sure why everyone fancies James McAvoy. Full-frontal nudity, whoop-de-fucking-doo. Maybe people should masturbate more, then they wouldn't be so obsessed with what proportion of a person's skin happens to be showing. The petty little fucks. People are dying, you shits. I mean, I'm all for sex, but crawl out of your own fucking arses once in a while. I hate February. At least Hot Fuzz is coming out (seriously, I kept getting that mixed up with Rabbit Fever at first. It does sound filthy, doesn't it?). We're all going to go and see it on Saint Valentine's Mutual Wankfest and then have a Chinese, and nobody's allowed to come if they're having regular sex, so they can fuck off.

That's it, does anybody have Charlie Brooker's number? I'm going to call him up and get him to dance to some reggae with me, and then we're going to voluntarily submerge ourselves in acid and complain about how much it hurts.

PETER IS STUCK IN A GLASS CASE OF EMOTION!

Don't worry, you're not supposed to know what the hell that means.

I would like to make clear that I have absolutely nothing to do with this, although I kind of wish I had.

I think I'm a lot less fun than I used to be. I suppose that happens with time. It might also be the not-drinking thing. Oh well, fuck it.

Oh, I didn't give up smoking. Well, not for more than about three days. It can probably wait a few more years; if you give up before you're 30 your body HEALS ITSELF. Like woah.

"If you don't like it, I can stop." "Not at all, it's just so... unfamiliar. Please, keep going"

Heheh.

In other news, absinthe really does make you want to kill yourself instantly. Especially when you're already drunk on a combination of wine and some narsty aniseed cocktail with poison in it.

To be totally honest I didn't really have anything to say, I just love that video.

'Tis the season

Now, I might be a cyclothymic high-functioning autist with obsessive-compulsive tendencies*, but that doesn't mean I don't appreciate the little things. To demonstrate this, I've composed a list of 'Reasons to be Cheerful'. Because I am that original. In no particular order, here it is.

1. Stephen Fry
2. Russell T Davies
3. Richard E Grant
4. Theme Time Radio Hour
5. Declan MacManus
6. Shane MacGowan
7. Tom Bawcock
8. His cat
9. Cornwall
10. Tom Stoppard
11. Chickens!

Anyway. What do you think Johann Hari has done to piss off Noam Chomsky? I can't imagine. My father thought it might have something to do with Israel, but it doesn't look like it.

Right, anyway, happy thing, and aaaaaaall of the things. You would not BELIEVE how much drunk I am. I mean... you know what I mean. Oh lawd, I was doing so well up until that bit.


*Might be. I've never been diagnosed with anything, but if none of this is true then I'm just a bit useless, which is surely worse.

Merry Yule

So, here it is.

Yes, yes, bah humbug and everything.

Thick of It is back, which makes me wonder how Chris Langham is getting on - presumably he won't be in it this time around.

Um... yeeeeees. Well, that was festive. I think I'll post a picture of Jon Stewart, just for the hell of it.